Glossary Of Terms
You know what one of the worst feelings in life is? Being the last to know. Whether it’s a flash sale at your favorite store, the plot twist in the most recent episode of your favorite show, or an inside joke among friends, being the last to know feels worse than driving off without remembering to actually attach your bag to the golf cart. That’s what this glossary is here for. It’s to prevent this exact scenario from happening to you:
(You walk over to the watercooler at work)
Bill: Do you see that latest write up from Man of Golf on Whistling Straits? Can you believe he gave X hole the Marion Hollins Award?
Bob: If you think that’s something, just wait until you see the line he gave the Darwin Award in The Anatomy of A Golf Course!
(Both turn to look at you)
Both: What do you think?
You break out into a cold sweat. Your mouth has all the moisture of an Arizona bunker as you stammer to form the words. You have no opinion to share because you have no idea. Not only did you not read my most recent posts, but you failed to read the posts in which I defined my awards, metrics, and various other terms. You are at a loss.
Or you would be if it weren’t for this splendid glossary of consistently used terms. It is something you will always be able to refer back to when you aren’t sure you recall exactly how I define something. It is your social parachute; enabling a soft landing after the brief, yet terrifying moment where your freefalling status in the conversation has hit terminal velocity and you can see the unforgiving concrete of infinite future lunches with the Accounts Payable Department rushing up to meet you.
Yes, this little beauty should provide you a refresher whenever you need it without having to sift through pages or posts to find what you’re looking for. It is your cheat sheet and your emotional support post. It enables peak laziness without overly encouraging it. It is also something most of the people that proofread this website for me before I launched it, said I needed.
Fairway Finders – The section of the website where I will do my course reviews
Back Of The Card – Functions the same way as the back of a sports card. Gives all the stats with none of the nuance. For those that want to know a bit more, check out TLDR.
TLDR (Too Long; Didn’t Read) – For all the people that want to know more than the Back Of The Card, but don’t have the patience to read everything else that I’ve written. A quick summary of my thoughts on the course and whether you should play it. It’s quick, it’s clean, and it’s really all you need to know to make your decision.
For those that want to know more, every Fairway Finder will be graded on the following factors from 1-10:
Ease of Access – Is this a centrally located course?
Difficulty – Is this a “fair” course? What happens to errant shots? Who is this course good for? It is unlikely that any course will ever get a 10/10 as both golf and life are famously not known for their fairness. However, some courses are built to reward good shots more than others.
History – Has this course ever been significant? Will you feel a bit more significant as a golfer having played it?
Memorable Holes– Are there holes here that will glorify your dreams and haunt your nightmares?
Setting – Is there something memorable or unique to the course surroundings?
Course Conditions- How well was the course maintained when I played it?
How Impressed/Jealous Will Other Golfers Be When You Tell Them You Played This Course – I shouldn’t need to explain this one.
Layout/Routing – Is this a shotmaking course? 10/10 Spyglass and Kiawah Island
Overall Experience- A holistic number given to the general experience of playing the course including staff, amenities, the course itself, etc.
X Factor – Is there something particularly cool and relatively unique to the experience of playing this course that you don’t get at most other courses.
The Marion Hollins Award – She is credited with creating the 16th at Cypress Point. This is the Award for the best hole.
The Coldstone Award for Best Proshop Item- What are the things in the proshop that you will either like, love, or gotta have?
The Bagger Vance Award for Caddie Quality – Not all caddies are great and not all caddies will win this award. Only the good ones will.
The Lake M Award for Hazard That Will Haunt You Whenever You Play It- Named for someone near and dear to my heart. A good friend of mine used to hit his ball into the same water hazard so often that we named it after him. Oddly enough, he always seemed to find his ball in the woods.
Can I Get A Read – The book review portion of the website.
The Don’t Do This Award: Here, I will completely judge the book by its cover and title. You can say looks don’t matter all you want, but it’s not true. How many guys do you know that would be willing to listen to Kim Kardashian without being able to see her?
The Darwin Award: Originally set to be an award for the best line in the book and was intended to be named for the greatest golf author of all time, Bernard Darwin. However, a podcast I enjoy and highly recommend, The Duffer’s Literary Companion, already has such an award. Not to be deterred, my award will be named for Bernard’s grandfather, Charles. Yes, that Charles Darwin. The award will now go to the line most fit to survive. Still the best line, but now it sounds way cooler.
The Throwing Darts Award: Really more a metric. When I read, I use these things called Book Darts to mark off memorable lines in whatever I’m reading. I will tell you how many Book Darts I used and what that equates to on a per page level. More Darts per page probably means a better book.
The Planet Ice Award: The original working title for Titanic was Planet Ice? While it in no way has anything to do with the movie, I can confidently say Planet Ice is a far superior title to Titanic. This award goes to the best potential alternate title I can think of (if any).
The Wodehouse Award: This will be a series of awards I give out at the end of the year to my favorite books. It is named for my favorite golf author and possibly my favorite author in general, P.G. Wodehouse.
Florida Historic Golf Trail – This is where I will document my quest to play the entire Florida Historic Golf Trail.
The Snapple Award – Funnest course fact
The Diet Starts Tomorrow Award – Best road trip snack I ate on my road trip to the course
TBD – Award for Most Historic Holes
The Peabody History Appreciation Scale – Used to determine the course’s appreciation of its history (1-10)
There you have it. All the most important terms that I’ll consistently use in my writing. If anything changes or gets added, I’ll update the list here. In the meantime, enjoy the writing and the eliminated fear being the last to know. You’re welcome. (5.9)