Back of the Card
Author: Michael Urann
Written: 2022
Length: 108 pages (including the Acknowledgements which you should most definitely read)
Where to find it: Amazon
Who should read this book: People who enjoy a generally good time. You can pick this book up whenever it suits you and you will always enjoy it. Whether you read the entire book, a chapter, or a couple of pages at a time there is always something to smile or think about.
“Any accomplished club thrower understands that the best method is to throw with your legs and a proper weight transfer on a parallel path to the ground, away from hard objects, thus eliminating the chance of the shaft snapping in half.”
There are a few things in this life that elicit a universal sigh of relief. They include:
- the first time you meet your friend’s girlfriend and realize she isn’t trying to pull a full Exxon Valdez on the delicate ecosystem of your friend group
- seeing flashing police lights behind you on the highway, but as you slow down, the cop whizzes past you in search of bigger game
- when there’s an open middle seat between you and someone else on a plane and they finally close the plane doors after what felt like a million potential conquerors of that prized “no man’s land” inquisitively passed by
- when a friend puts something out into the world and without the need to ask for some sort of religious forgiveness afterwards, you can tell them that it’s legitimately good
For me, this book falls into that last category. First off, the book is, indeed, legitimately good. After I got over my initial disappointment that it was not about eighteen specific people that the author named by full government name and then went into explicit detail about why playing golf with them is less fun than sharing a hotel room with Harvey Weinstein, I came to really enjoy it. It’s one of the more funny, relatable, and versatile golf books I’ve read.
Second, -and in the interest of full transparency- this book was written and sent to me by a friend (though in fairness, he didn’t ask for feedback. He was just being nice.). Or at least as much of a friend as someone can be when you’ve never met, spoken to, or even seen each other, but have interacted fairly often through various social media channels. When I posted on X that I was starting this website, Mike Urann (@FUPodcast very much worth a follow) reached out to send me a copy of his book. So at the very least I’m closer to him than I am to you (who sent me nothing by the way. Don’t think I forgot.).
With that out of the way, back to 18 People I Hate Playing Golf With.
Much like golf itself, this book will be whatever you make of it. If you want 18 People I Hate Playing Golf With to be a light read that you can pick up and put down on a whim when you need to laugh, relax, or salve your golf itch when it can’t be scratched in all your favorite ways, then it can check all those boxes for you.
If you want to swim in the deeper pools of love, fatherhood, marriage, introspection, generosity, and growth, then whatever you’ve paid for this book will be your price of admission.
Either way, if you’ve been playing golf for any reasonable amount of time, you have a better chance of seeing N.W.A reunite for the local police benefit concert than you do of failing to find something in this book to relate to. It’s just not possible. There is truly something in here for everyone.
I must caution you though, nothing can prepare you for the moment where you catch yourself nodding in agreement with Urann about how terrible it is to play with a certain kind of person before realizing that you are exactly that person. It’s like that moment in Fight Club when the Narrator realizes he’s also Tyler Durden. I was wildly unprepared for the plot twist that I’m at least five of the eighteen people the author hates playing with.
“The sad thing is that if you’ve shot truly good rounds in your life, it’s nearly impossible to set goals well above that.”
If you’re looking for me to list the eighteen people here, look elsewhere. Want to know who they are? Go buy the book. What I can offer you instead is one excellent piece of writing from each chapter to help whet your appetite:
- “I’ll be telling my kids that if they’re ever looking at putts from five angles before setting up to the ball, they’ll be shot and left out there for the coyotes to eat.”
- “It makes me wonder if they go home and take long hot showers before their wives and leave no water for them because, Screw you.”
- “Prowess at other sports doesn’t always translate to golf.”
- “Golf isn’t the sport that gets the girls interested in high school either. That doesn’t happen until you get your Tour card, and it’s not “golf” anymore; it’s ‘golf for millions of dollars’.”
- “I will never, and I meant not f-ing ever, be able to dunk a basketball, cross over a defender at the 18-yard box on my way to the net, or hit an 8 iron to 5 feet for eagle on 15 at Augusta. So why on Earth should I care about what those guys can do?”
- “Also, your average score doesn’t mean your average score over your f-ing lifetime.”
- “Golf is about being miserable for too many people.”
- “It was a fun hobby until the players started looking at me like I was raping their children…” (There’s a paragraph in this chapter that is pure gold and this excerpt isn’t even part of it)
- “I was doing my best to smoke all the marijuana in Southeastern Massachusetts, able to drink 25 beers a night, and in the throes of a metal phase. My grades were obviously fantastic.”
- “The U.S. keeps electing older and older presidents, so why not you?”
- “It’s always interesting when a racist says racist things to people he just met.”
- “I’ve never once ordered dessert when all I see is cleavage.”
- “If you’re telling stories that ridiculous, I can’t believe a word that comes out of your mouth about anything. I wish I got the guy’s last name so I could’ve tipped off the IRS.”
- “We’ve let capitalism ruin golf.”
- “When I moved to Los Angeles, I didn’t really know how to make it as a movie producer, and if we’re being frank, given my level of success, maybe I still don’t.”
- “Being placated by someone is like having a knife driven straight through my heart.”
- “See, what I should have done was bring the f-ing coke and pot in first, you know, in case a f-ing cop car rolled up on me.”
- “Having not hit a shot in what seemed like 45 minutes, I stepped up to the ball with my magic club, my life-saving club, the best purchase I’ve ever made, and the epicenter of all my confidence…and I hit a dead top.”
The Awards
The Don’t Do This Award: (Judging the book by its cover) I like this cover a lot. Not much to change about it. I guess you could do a Last Supper-style picture with all 18 of the people sitting at the table and the author in the middle with his head in his hands or about to throw his club, but really I don’t have any notes on the current cover.
The Darwin Award: (line most fit to survive)
Urann doesn’t make this one easy on me. As you’ll soon see, I used more Book Darts per page in this book than any others to date. On any given page, his writing can make you laugh, reminisce, think, or any combination of the three.
It’s something of a cop out, but I’m going to give it to the entirety of the epilogue. The concept and impact of fatherhood arises more than almost any theme I’ve come across in my golf book collection. Sometimes it comes from the father’s perspective and sometimes the child’s. For much of this book, Urann reflects upon his relationship with his father, golf, and the lessons he took from them both. However, in the epilogue he redirects those thoughts toward what he intends to pass on to his own daughter. It’s touching, self-aware, and wholesome.
Honorable Mentions (aside from those listed above):
“Creeping on the cart girl is like the fat guys in the pool sucking in their gut when Lacy Underall walks by in ‘Caddyshack’.”
“I crave approval. If I ever decided to see a therapist, they’d quickly realize that my lifetime of claiming to be an introvert is eclipsed by the sun’s width with a secret desire to be the person everyone likes.”
“…if you make yourself the martyr, people will be just fine killing you.” (When this book becomes more popular, you’re going to see this quote in every high school yearbook in America. Ah, teen angst.)
The Throwing Darts Award:
I used 133 Book Darts during the reading of this book and at 108 pages, the average of 1.23 per page is by far the highest of any book I’ve covered to date. More than anything, it speaks to the versatility and relatability of Urann’s writing.
The Planet Ice Award: (Was there a better title for this book?) Absolutely not. It’s about as compelling a title as I’ve ever come across. How can you read it and not want to know who the eighteen people are?
Some books feel like they need a leatherback chair, a roaring flame, and a glass of alcohol reserved strictly for Bond villains. This is not that book and it’s not trying to be. You can run through this book quickly, break it into bits and pieces, or heck, you could even open it to a random page and just read; there’s a 10/10 chance you’ll find something that speaks to you.
